Cat Stevens - Yusuf Islam

All I have to say is all what you know already, to confirm what you already know, the message of the Prophet (may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him) as given by God - the Religion of Truth.  As human beings we are given a consciousness and a duty that has placed us at the top of creation… It is important to realize the obligation to rid ourselves of all illusions and to make our lives a preparation for the next life. 

Anybody who misses this chance is not likely to be given another, to be brought back again and again, because it says in the Glorious Quran that when man is brought to account, he will say,  “O Lord, send us back and give us another chance.  The Lord will say, ‘If I send you back you will do the same.’”

My early religious upbringing
I was brought up in the modern world of all the luxury and the high life of show business.  I was born in a Christian home, but we know that every child is born in his original nature - it is only his parents that turn him to this or that religion.  I was given this religion (Christianity) and thought this way.  I was taught that God exists, but there was no direct contact with God, so we had to make contact with Him through Jesus - he was in fact the door to God.  This was more or less accepted by me, but I did not swallow it all.

I looked at some of the statues of Jesus; they were just stones with no life.  And when they said that God is three, I was puzzled even more but could not argue.  I more or less believed it, because I had to have respect for the faith of my parents.

Pop star
Gradually I became alienated from this religious upbringing.  I started making music.  I wanted to be a big star.  All those things I saw in the films and on the media took hold of me, and perhaps I thought this was my God, the goal of making money.  I had an uncle who had a beautiful car.  “Well, I said, “he has it made.  He has a lot of money.”  The people around me influenced me to think that this was it; this world was their God.

I decided then that this was the life for me; to make a lot of money, have a ‘great life.’  Now my examples were the pop stars.  I started making songs, but deep down I had a feeling for humanity, a feeling that if I became rich I would help the needy. (It says in the Quran, we make a promise, but when we make something, we want to hold onto it and become greedy.)

So what happened was that I became very famous.  I was still a teenager, my name and photo were splashed in all the media.  They made me larger than life, so I wanted to live larger than life, and the only way to do that was to be intoxicated (with liquor and drugs).

In hospital
After a year of financial success and ‘high’ living, I became very ill, contracted TB and had to be hospitalized.  It was then that I started to think: What was to happen to me?  Was I just a body, and my goal in life was merely to satisfy this body?  I realized now that this calamity was a blessing given to me by God, a chance to open my eyes - “Why am I here?  Why am I in bed?”  - and I started looking for some of the answers.  At that time, there was great interest in the Eastern mysticism.  I began reading, and the first thing I began to become aware of was death, and that the soul moves on; it does not stop.  I felt I was taking the road to bliss and high accomplishment.  I started meditating and even became a vegetarian.  I now believed in ‘peace and flower power,’ and this was the general trend.  But what I did believe in particular was that I was not just a body.  This awareness came to me at the hospital.

One day when I was walking, and I was caught in the rain, I began running to the shelter and then I realized, ‘Wait a minute, my body is getting wet, my body is telling me I am getting wet.’  This made me think of a saying that the body is like a donkey, and it has to be trained where it has to go.  Otherwise, the donkey will lead you where it wants to go.

Then I realized I had a will, a God-given gift: follow the will of God.  I was fascinated by the new terminology I was learning in the Eastern religion.  By now, I was fed up with Christianity.  I started making music again, and this time I started reflecting my own thoughts.  I remember the lyric of one of my songs.  It goes like this: “I wish I knew, I wish I knew what makes the Heaven, what makes the Hell.  Do I get to know You in my bed or some dusty cell while others reach the big hotel?”  and I knew I was on the Path.

I also wrote another song, “The Way to Find God Out.”  I became even more famous in the world of music.  I really had a difficult time because I was getting rich and famous, and at the same time, I was sincerely searching for the Truth.  Then I came to a stage where I decided that Buddhism is all right and noble, but I was not ready to leave the world.  I was too attached to the world and was not prepared to become a monk and to isolate myself from society.

I tried Zen and Ching, numerology, tarot cards and astrology.  I tried to look back into the Bible and could not find anything.  At this time I did not know anything about Islam, and then, what I regarded as a miracle occurred.  My brother had visited the mosque in Jerusalem and was greatly impressed that while on the one hand it throbbed with life (unlike the churches and synagogues which were empty), on the other hand, an atmosphere of peace and tranquility prevailed.

The Quran
When he came to London, he brought back a translation of the Quran, which he gave to me.  He did not become a Muslim, but he felt something in this religion, and thought I might find something in it also.

And when I received the book, a guidance that would explain everything to me - who I was; what was the purpose of life; what was the reality and what would be the reality; and where I came from - I realized that this was the true religion; religion not in the sense the West understands it, not the type for only your old age.  In the West, whoever wishes to embrace a religion and make it his only way of life is deemed a fanatic.

I was not a fanatic; I was at first confused between the body and the soul.  Then I realized that the body and soul are not apart and you don’t have to go to the mountain to be religious.  We must follow the will of God.  Then we can rise higher than the angels.  The first thing I wanted to do now was to be a Muslim.

I realized that everything belongs to God, that slumber does not overtake Him.  He created everything.  At this point I began to lose the pride in me, because hereto I had thought the reason I was here was because of my own greatness.  But I realized that I did not create myself, and the whole purpose of my being here was to submit to the teaching that has been perfected by the religion we know as Al-Islam.  At this point, I started discovering my faith.  I felt I was a Muslim. 

On reading the Quran, I now realized that all the Prophets sent by God brought the same message.  Why then were the Jews and Christians different?  I know now how the Jews did not accept Jesus as the Messiah and that they had changed His Word.  Even the Christians misunderstand God’s Word and called Jesus the son of God. 

Everything made so much sense.  This is the beauty of the Quran; it asks you to reflect and reason, and not to worship the sun or moon but the One Who has created everything.  The Quran asks man to reflect upon the sun and moon and God’s creation in general.  Do you realize how different the sun is from the moon?  They are at varying distances from the earth, yet appear the same size to us; at times, one seems to overlap the other.

Even when many of the astronauts go to space, they see the insignificant size of the earth and vastness of space.  They become very religious, because they have seen the Signs of God.

When I read the Quran further, it talked about prayer, kindness and charity.  I was not a Muslim yet, but I felt that the only answer for me was the Quran, and God had sent it to me, and I kept it a secret.  But the Quran also speaks on different levels.  I began to understand it on another level, where the Quran says, “Those who believe do not take disbelievers for friends and the believers are brothers.”  Thus at this point I wished to meet my Muslim brothers.

Conversion
Then I decided to journey to Jerusalem (as my brother had done).  At Jerusalem, I went to the mosque and sat down.  A man asked me what I wanted.  I told him I was a Muslim.  He asked what was my name.  I told him, “Stevens.”  He was confused.  I then joined the prayer, though not so successfully.  Back in London, I met a sister called Nafisa.  I told her I wanted to embrace Islam, and she directed me to the New Regent Mosque.  This was in 1977, about one and a half years after I received the Quran 

Now I realized that I must get rid of my pride, get rid of Satan, and face one direction.  So on a Friday, after the Friday congrational prayer service, I went to the Imam (Prayer Leader) and declared my faith (the Shahaadah) at this hands.  You have before you someone who had achieved fame and fortune. 

But guidance was something that eluded me, no matter how hard I tried, until I was shown the Quran  Now I realize I can get in direct contact with God, unlike Christianity or any other religion.  As one Hindu lady told me, “You don’t understand the Hindus.  We believe in one God; we use these objects (idols) to merely concentrate.”  What she was saying was that in order to reach God, one has to create associates, that are idols for the purpose.  But Islam removes all these barriers.  The only thing that moves the believers from the disbelievers is the salat (prayer).  This is the process of purification.

Finally, I wish to say that everything I do is for the pleasure of God and pray that you gain some inspirations from my experiences.  Furthermore, I would like to stress that I did not come into contact with any Muslim before I embraced Islam.  I read the Quran first and realized that no person is perfect.  Islam is perfect, and if we imitate the conduct of the Prophet we will be successful.

May God give us guidance to follow the path of the nation of Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him.  Ameen!

Cecilla Cannoly

Why did I become a Muslim? Let me tell you sincerely that I became a Muslim without even noticing it myself. For, at a very young age I had already completely lost my confidence in Christianity and had begun to feel apathy towards the Christian religion. I was curious about many religious facts. I was disinclined to believe blindly the creed they were trying to teach me.

Why were there three gods? Why had we all come to this world sinful, and why did we have to expiate it? Why could we invoke Allah only through a priest? 
And what were the meanings of all these various signs that we were being shown and the miracles that we were being told?

Whenever I asked these questions to the teaching priests, they would become angry and answer, "You cannot inquire about the inner natures of the church's teachings. They are secret. All you have to do is to believe them." And this was another thing that I would never understand. 



How could one believe something whose essence one did not know? However, in those days I did not dare divulge these thoughts of mine. I am sure that many of today's so-called Christians are of the same opinion as I was; they do not believe most of the religious teachings imposed on them, yet they are afraid to disclose it. 



The older I became the farther away did I feel from Christianity, finally breaking away from the church once and for all and beginning to wonder whether there was a religion that taught "to worship one single God." My entire conscience and heart told me that there was only one God. Then, when I looked around, the events showed me how meaningless the unintelligible miracles that priests had been trying to teach us, and the absurd stories of saints they had been telling us, were.

Didn't everything on the earth, human beings, beasts, forests, mountains, seas, trees, flowers indicate that a great Creator had created them? 



Wasn't a newly born baby a miracle in itself? On the other hand, the church was striving to indoctrinate the people with the preposterous belief that every newly born baby was a wretched, sinful creature. No, this was impossible, a lie. Every newly born child was an innocent slave, a creature of Allah Almighty. It was a miracle, and I believed only in Allah and in the miracles He created. 



Nothing in the world was inherently sinful, dirty, or ugly. I was of this opinion, when one day my daughter came home with a book written about Islam. My daughter and I sat together and read the book with great attention.

O my Allah, the book said exactly as I had been thinking. Islam announced that there is one Allah and informed that people are born as innocent creatures.

Until that time I had been entirely ignorant of Islam. 

In schools Islam was an object of derision; We had been taught that that religion was false and absurd and infused one with sloth, and that Muslims would go to Hell. Upon reading the book, I was plunged into thoughts. To acquire more detailed information about Islam, I visited Muslims living in my town.

The Muslims I found opened my eyes. The answers they gave to my questions were so logical that I began to believe that Islam was not a concocted religion as our priests had been asserting, but a true religion of God Almighty. 



My daughter and I read many other books written about Islam, were fully convinced as to its veracity, and eventually embraced Islam, both of us. I adopted the name 'Rashida', and my daughter chose 'Mahmuda' as her new name. 

As for the second question that you ask me: "What aspect of Islam do you like best?" Here is my answer: 


What I like best about Islam is the nature of its prayers. In Christianity prayers are said in order to ask for worldly blessings such as wealth, position and honor from Allah Almighty through Jesus. Muslims, in contrast, express their gratitude to God and they know that as long as they abide by their religion and obey the commandments of Allah Almighty, He will give them whatever they need without them asking for it.

Alexander Russel Webb

Muhammad Alexander Russel Webb was born in 1846 C.E. in Hudson, Columbia county, United States of America. After completing his education at Hudson and New York, he began to write as a short-story writer and an essayist. In a short time, he excelled in journalism and served as the Editor of 'St. Joseph Gazette' and 'Missouri Republican'.

In recognition of his broad knowledge and expertise in American and international affairs, he was appointed as the United States consul at Manila, Philippines in 1887. During his stay in Manila, he studied Islam as a way of life, interacted with native Muslims and some Muslim businessmen from India, and after protracted study embraced Islam. Soon after that Muhammad Webb traveled to several predominantly Muslim countries and developed a lasting interest in sharing the truth of Islam with his fellow Americans through the 'Islamic Propagation Mission.' In 1893, he wrote a book entitled "Islam in America." Muhammad Alexander Webb died on October 1, 1916.

The following is Muhammad Webb's account of his journey to Islam as reported in the abridged version of "Islam - Our Choice" published by Begum Aisha Bawani Wakf, Karachi, 1970.

“I have been requested to tell you why I, an American, born in a country which is nominally Christian, and reared under the drippings, or more properly perhaps the driveling, of an orthodox Presbyterian pulpit, came to adopt the faith of Islam as my guide in life.

I might reply promptly and truthfully that I adopted this religion because I found, after protracted study, that it was the best and only system adapted to the spiritual needs of the humanity. And here let me say that I was not born as some boys seem to be, with a fervently religious strain in my character.

When I reached the age of twenty, and became practically my own master, I was so tired of the restraint and dullness of the Church, that I wandered away from it and never returned to it...

Fortunately I was of an enquiring turn of mind - I wanted a reason for everything, and I found that neither laymen nor clergy could give me any rational explasm and monads (explanation of this faith), and yet not one of them could tell me what were mysterious or that they were beyond my comprehension.

Useful links eleven years ago I became interested in the study of Oriental religions... I read Mill (J.S., died1873) and Locke (J., d. 1704), Kant (I., d.1804), Hegel (G.W.F., d.1831), Fichte (J.G., d. 1814), Huxley (A., d. 1963), and many other more or less learned writers discoursing with a great show of wisdom concerning protoplasm and monads, and yet not one of them could tell me what the soul was or what became of it after death...

I have spoken so much of myself in order to show you that my adoption of Islam was not the result of misguided sentiment, blind credulity, or sudden emotional impulse, but it was born of earnest, honest, persistent, unprejudiced study and investigation and an intense desire to know the truth.

The essence of the true faith of Islam is resignation to the will of God (Allah) and its corner stone is prayer. It teaches universal fraternity, universal love, and universal benevolence, and requires purity of mind, purity of action, purity of speech and perfect physical cleanliness. It, beyond doubt, is the simplest and most elevating form of religion known to man.”

Abdullah DeLancey

My name is Abdullah DeLancey. I am Canadian and I am employed as a Patient Service Worker at the local hospital. I have been married for almost 20 years and we have 3 wonderful children. Alhamdulillah, I am now a Muslim. I wasn't always a Muslim, though.

Previously; I was a Protestant Christian for all of my life.

My family brought me up in the Pentecostal Church until I was an adult at which time I moved to a fundamental Independent Baptist Church.



As a faithful Christian I was very involved at Church, giving lectures for the Adult Sunday School and other duties. I was eventually elected as the Deacon of the Church. I really wanted to further my dedication to God and decided to pursue a career as a Minister.



I was awarded a scholarship to help me start taking a degree in Divinity. My goal was to be a Pastor of a Church or a Missionary. However, becoming a Minister would commit me and my whole family to the Church full time for life.



So just before attending Bible College, I thought it best to look at Christianity critically and ask some very serious questions about my faith. I questioned the Trinity, why God would need a son, and why the human sacrifice of Jesus, as stated in the Bible, was needed to provide me with forgiveness.



I questioned the Christian belief of how all the righteous people in the Old Testament were "saved" and in heaven if Jesus wasn't even born yet.

I pondered serious questions about Christianity that I had neglected to ask my whole life.

The answers I received from Christians on these theological issues "which are the basis of the faith in Christianity," defied all reason and were absolutely beyond any logical thinking.



Why would God give us a wonderful brain and then expect us to temporarily stop using it? Because that is what Christianity is asking people to do when they say you just must have faith.

That is blind faith.

Realizing that I had always accepted Christianity, with blind faith for my entire life and never had questioned it was perplexing to me. How could I have not realized this before?



I could not find the answers in the Bible. Once I realized that the Trinity was a myth and that God is powerful enough to "save" someone without the need for help from a son or anyone or anything else. Things changed. My entire faith in Christianity fell apart. I could no longer believe in Christianity or be a Christian.



I left the Church for good and my wife dutifully left with me, as she was having trouble accepting Christianity too. This was the start of my spiritual journey. I was now without a religion but believed in a God.

This was a very hard time for me and my family as Christianity was all we had ever known. I had to search for the truth. I began studying various religions and found them as false one after another. Until, I heard about Islam.

Islam!!! What was that? As far as I could remember, I had never known a Muslim and Islam was not heard or spoken of "as a faith" in my part of Canada. Unless, of course, it was news stories talking bad about Islam. For me at that time, Islam was not even a consideration. Not on my religious radar at all.

But then I started to read a little about Islam. Then, I kept reading a little more.

Then, I read the Quran. This wonderful revelation of truth changed my life forever. I immediately started to study every piece of information pertaining to Islam I could get my hands on.

I discovered the nearest mosque was about 100 miles away from my city.

So I promptly loaded the family van and drove my family to this mosque. On the way, I was very nervous but also very excited at the same time.. I asked myself, was I even allowed in the mosque because I wasn't an Arab or a Muslim?



However, after arriving at the mosque, I quickly realized I had nothing to fear. I was greeted by the Imam and the Muslims with a most warm greeting. I found them very nice. Nothing like the bad things the news always said about Muslims.

They gave me a book by Ahmed Deedat and assured me I could be a Muslim.

I studied all the material on Islam they gave me. I appreciated these books very much because our local library had only 4 books on Islam.

After studying I was in shock. How could I have been a Christian for so long and never heard the truth?

I now believed in Islam. I knew it and I wanted to convert.

I was put in contact with the small Muslim community in my city. On March 24th 2006 I went to the Mosque. Just before Friday prayer started and with most of the local Muslim Community present as witness; I testified that" La illaha ill Allah, Muhammadur Rasul Allah": "There is no God but Allah, Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. I was now a Muslim. It was the best day of my life.

I love Islam and have peace now.

Difficult times have come since I became a Muslim. When people started realizing I was now a Muslim they would shun me or laugh at me, most of our old Christian friends have never talked to us again.

My parents have all but disowned me.

I love being a Muslim and it doesn't matter if some of my fellow Canadians think of me as odd for becoming a Muslim. Why?

The reason is that I alone, am the one that will have to answer to God after my death.

God is the giver of strength and Almighty God has helped me through all the rough times after my conversion to Islam. I have many, many Muslim Brothers now.



I have legally changed my first name to Abdullah, which I like very much. I am now the first and only Muslim Chaplain approved to work at the local hospital in my City. I am a Muslim and I am truly happy. All thanks be to God.

Celine Um-Khalthum

I became Muslim almost three years ago, right after Ramadan in between the two Eids. My spiritual search lasted over thirty years. I was born a Catholic and found many things I did not agree with: I believe in Jesus, but did not believe that he was the son of God, nor that he was God. I concluded on my own that he was a rabbi, since he was a learned Jew and a teacher. Because of this I went and studied under rabbis and learnt the Tanakh, the Torah and some of the laws of Judaism. I learnt the Kosher laws and the proper way of cooking, and the rules of being a woman. It became natural that men
and women prayed separated as the women were together.

Though Judaism was not the answer for me, I gained an understanding of its religious and spiritual ways. I then looked into women spirituality but found that it was lacking something, it was not always monotheistic in practice because they believe in a Goddess, and disclaimed many teachings by re-inventing a new way of life. I had a great deal of problems with God being a woman since I did not believe He was a man either. I liked the Judaic way that God was unseen and unknown. Because of this I could not understand their teachings but I did agree in the equality of men and of women. Because of this I respect their search but their methods did not appeal to me.

In 1990, I learnt about native spirituality. Though they believe in the Creator and the oneness of the world I could not become native - I had to find my own spirituality. I was shocked when my country Canada went to war against Mohawks in 1990. I fought side by side with them for about five years. I was working but at that time I was offered a choice, I saw two paths in front of me:

One the path of God, the other the path of man. I made a conscious commitment towards God, that I would serve Him and use my talents to propagate His word and His message, that is, one of Peace and of Justice through his laws. I chose the path of God instead of that of "man" - in this case human. When the crisis was finished after five years, God guided me back to my spiritual roots.

Most of my life I had friends that came from North Africa and the Middle East. They were Jewish, Christian and Muslim, but whether they observed their religion or did not, it mattered little to me, as I did not believe in organized religion. I have strongly believed all my life that I should talk directly to God and ask what I needed and thank Him for what He gave me. I also strongly believe in the equality of men and women, and the equality of all races in front of God and of people. Christianity taught me about Jesus, whom I believed in.

Judaism showed me I could talk to God directly, that men and women should worship separately, and that God had dietary laws. Mohawks showed me that men and women were equal though they had different obligations. Where could I find all of this. No religion, no teachings could offer me all of this, but God was there to guide me.

When I was twenty-five years old, I met and fell in love with a young man. He was Iraqi by birth, Jewish by religion, and lived in Israel for many years. He came to Canada in the 1970's, and we met and fell in love. Then there was a war in between Israel and Lebanon. We were to get married and he decided to go back and fight in the army.

Sadly, he was killed. For many years I kept the hurt bottled up inside of me. But Allah protected my heart and gave me a great gift. I met a Lebanese Muslim girl. She was not very religious but she was proud to be Muslim. We talked and I told her what happened, she looked at me with tears in her eyes and told me she lost her brother during that same war.

To this day we do not know if her brother killed my boyfriend or vice versa, maybe they did not kill one another that too is a possibility. What came out of this, after the tears and the hurt is that we became very good friends, and she helped me heal my aching heart. I also saw the horrors of war and it's evilness, how people get hurt.

In 1995 there was a controversy in Montreal about women wearing Hijab, so I decided to document this myself, and look for interviews since I had a spot on the radio for about 4 years, doing Native, North African and Middle Eastern news. I met through a friend this very kind woman, she is Iraqi - Allah does work in unusual ways - who spoke about the importance of wearing Hijab and what it meant to her. What struck me with her was her deep commitment towards God whom she called Allah.

I was impressed by her truthfulness and her kindness of heart. She explained to me what was Islam. She told me that "There is no other god but God". Men and women were equal, that all races were equal in front of God, that Jesus was a Prophet not a rabbi, that Maryam his mother was a great example, and that the dietary laws were less strict than in Judaism. To my astonishment this is what I believe in. I started being friends with her and within one month I became Muslim like her. I recited my Shahada with her.

This was three years ago. I now wear Hijab and I am very happy. I have gone back to University and am studying religions. My field is Islam, and I would like to go as far as my doctorate and become proficient in law for women, and Hadeeth. I am presently writing a book about women and Islam in the 7th century in English. I now have a radio show which I co-produce with my friend through whom I became Muslim. It lasts half an hour. We talk to women from around the world and from various religious denominations. I try with the help of teachers and religious leaders to de-mystify Islam and the message of Islam. I am also trying to document in film the life of Muslim women and their role in society.

Allah guided me and gave me what I was looking for through Islam. Because of this I try to use my pen and the airwaves to give a broad picture of all the facets of Islam and see the unity in the diversity that is Islam. My Muslim name is Um-Khalthum, like the daughter of Prophet Muhammad. She has inspired me to be a good Muslim as she too was a convert or revert to Islam.

This is my story. My first love was for an Iraqi Jewish young man, who died stupidly in a war, my heart was broken. I was left in pieces in Lebanon, yet a Lebanese Muslim woman started the mending process. But my heart was healed by another Iraqi, this time a Muslim woman, because she introduced me to Islam and invited to become Muslim. From the pain of loss the joy of finding a way of life that brings me closer to Allah.

May Allah guide all of those who have a broken heart. And remember that the message of Islam is that of peace and of harmony. Before we heal we must talk about the hurt, and Allah does heal our hearts by putting people in our path that are there to guide us to Him.

My Reversion Story : Part 2

At the age of sixteen, I decided that Islam was the religion for me. Islam was everything that was in my heart. I couldn’t deny the love I had for such a beautiful religion; every time it was brought up, my face was beaming with happiness. My body ached to pray in congregation and to be so incredibly close to Allah. My mind craved knowledge and stories of Islam and the Prophet (pbuh).

At sixteen years of age, you are torn in the middle between entering adulthood and escaping childhood. Most of us can agree that at sixteen, we don’t make the most brilliant decisions, especially ones that can have a large effect on your life and loved ones. But I wasn’t and I’m not like most teenagers. For the first time in my entire life, I knew what I wanted and I knew that the decision to embrace Islam would be the greatest, smartest, most amazing decision I could ever make for myself. Actually, I take that back. I didn’t make this decision, Allah subhana wa ta’ala made this decision for me. He put me on the beautiful path to Islam and He is guiding my heart throughout it all.

I was raised in an Italian household, so naturally, they are Catholic and (should be very) religious. At birth, I was baptized and washed clean from original sin. At seven, I made communion (having the body and blood of Christ within you). At eleven, I made reconciliation (going to the priest for the first time to confess your sins) and at fourteen, I made confirmation (confirming my faith). These are all sacraments in Caticism. After each sacrament, there would be a large party with all my family and all I cared about at such a young age was receiving gifts. Which child doesn’t love some money and new clothes and new toys?

From the age of five to fourteen, I was enrolled Confraternity of Christian Doctrine (CCD) which was religious education to children who are in public schools. Every Wednesday, I’d leave my public school at 1pm to walk a few blocks to my local church. From 1:45pm to 3:30pm, I’d sit in a classroom of peers and a religious education teacher and learn about the Holy Trinity – God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit… but I wasn’t really interested.

I was also a difficult child during my time at CCD. The religious educators and sometimes the nuns couldn’t handle me. No, it wasn’t a behavioral problem. It was more of a curiosity problem. I had questions about every little thing I was being taught. After a few sentences or a story, my hand would shoot up and I’d wave eagerly for my teacher to notice me. There were times where I’d ask “Why did God say that?” or “Why did Jesus do this?” and their replies were: “Because God said so” or “Because Jesus can”. When I asked about the Holy Spirit, I was told “it just is”. I was often told not to question God and that got me angry. I was certainly not questioning God. I would never question the Almighty. He knows what He is doing. I was questioning the stories and the beliefs ever since a young age.

Although I was raised into a somewhat practicing, strict Italian Catholic household, my family wasn’t so religious. They didn’t attend church every Sunday. We didn’t say grace before eating. We didn’t even go to church on the holiest holidays in Caticism which are Christmas and Easter. When living in a household of non-religious people, it is very hard to believe and/or follow that religion on a daily basis. I’ve tried my hardest to follow the Catholic way of life. I’ve picked up a Bible before and tried to read it, but I couldn’t get past a few pages without getting frustrated. It just wasn’t working for me. It was at that moment I gave up on religion. I believed in God, but that was about it.

In September of 2006, I entered high school. High school was a whole new world for me; not just in the aspect of education, friendships, relationships and organization of time but it opened my eyes to Islam. My high school is in the middle of a very cultural area. I liked to call my high school the “United Nations” because there were so many people of different cultures, ethnicities and religions.

I saw women in, what I know now is, hijab many times before. I was very used to seeing a woman with a covered head. I never understood what it was for and I never questioned it. During my freshman year, I befriended a girl named Nour. We never spoke about religion (just yet). We were just friends who enjoyed our English class. The following year, I started to crush on a Muslim boy. He knew very well I was crushing on him but told me his parents would never allow us to date. That confused me and shattered my hormonal teenage heart. In English class one day, I started to tell Nour this story. She smiled the entire time. I got angry and asked her how she can be so mean. That’s when she said “He isn’t allowed to date, Nikki. He’s a Muslim like me. That’s why I don’t waste my time on liking stupid boys.” I was taken aback. Muslims can’t date? She started to slowly explain things to me and everyday, for the next semester, I’d come in with a new question: Who is Allah? What is Islam? What’s these pillars? Hijab, the head-covering? Why do women wear it? Eventually, my interest in the Muslim boy died down while my interest in Islam skyrocketed.

Nour is the girl who introduced me to hijab. After explaining it many times to me, I was aching to wear it just to see how it felt. I don’t know why I had this overpowering feeling within to try on hijab. It came to me so fast. While in Chemistry Lab, Nour and a friend came in and her friend pulled out a sheer, beige scarf with a flower pattern on the ends. She also pulled out the stretchy piece of fabric. I was told it’s an underscarf to keep your hair completely covered. Nour told me to put that one first. I did, and I started giggling. Her friend began to wrap the hijab for me. At the time, not a soul knew I was interested in Islam besides Nour. “Please don’t think I’m mocking you or making fun or anything of that nature! That’s not what I’m doing. I just… I really don’t know. I just wanna try it, I guess.”, is what I told her friend. Her friend simply smiled at me and said “Allah will show you the way” as she continued to wrap my hijab. I didn’t understand her statement whatsoever, but I smiled back and nodded. I wore hijab for three whole periods in school, and when it was time to take it off, I felt very weird and almost naked. I felt completely comfortable with my head covered and now, I had to remove it.

I started making more Muslim friends, friends of Nour’s, friends of mine and I’d ask questions. I had a Muslimah friend for a very long time. Her name is Lubna. I don’t remember the one question I asked to her, but she told me this great story about a prophet [She was talking about Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and at the time, I had no idea] and his wife and about Allah. Then she told me “If you don’t believe me, look it up in the Qur’an.” That lead to “What’s the Qur’an?” and that lead to me saying how Islam has all the answers and proofs that Caticism doesn’t.

My Reversion Story

Part one : 

During my junior year, I had a ton of Muslim friends and I was learning things left and right. It was beautiful. I had a friend named Dania. She is very religious and takes pride in Islam the way I’ve never seen it before. It was 2008 and she was fasting for Ramadan. I asked her why she was fasting and what’s Ramadan? As she was explaining, I cut her off and said “I want to convert.” To this day, I still cannot tell you my thought process. I thought I was listening to her, but my subconscious took hold and had me blurt out the truth. Dania was so excited and I cannot even tell you how many times she hugged me. Her reaction made it official: that I was doing the right thing for myself.

I started researching on how to become a Muslim. My internet history was absolutely FILLED with Islamic websites. I held off on my shahada for about three months. I was told to not hold off on my shahada if it’s in my heart.

One night, I was sitting on my bed, researching and reading and researching some more. I wanted to be educated before I became a Muslim. I felt that it would be wrong to declare my faith as a Muslim and not know the basics. But, every page I clicked on to read about Islam, had “Ash-hadu anla ilaha illal-Lahu Wahdahu la Sharika Lahu wa-ash-hadu anna Muhammadan abduhu wa rasuluhu” written somewhere within the beginning lines or at the very top. I became a bit freaked out, I’m not going to lie. But I knew that this was a sign from Allah. It clearly meant I must say this now. And it was funny because earlier that day, I recieved my first Qur’an in the mail. So I knew I had to do it. I had to become a Muslim.

And I did.

That was in May of 2009. I wanted to make it official, in front of the Muslim community. But I decided not to out of fear of my family finding out. Dania, on the other hand, thought that was a great idea and surprised me by taking me to the masjid. On July 9th, 2009, I recited my shahadah at a masjid with a sheikh and in front of my friends and their families. It was on that day I was given the new name of Imaan. I was still able to go by Nikki but to the Muslim community – I was reborn and I was Imaan. I chose Imaan because my heart, body and soul was fully captured by Islam and my faith was at its highest it’s ever been.

My story doesn’t end there and it doesn’t get any happier, to be completely honest.

In March of 2010, my parents found out I was Muslim. It was a day of tears, anger, grief and everything else. My father, more than my mother, hated the fact I was Muslim and I felt like he hated me. He called me a disgrace, he told me he wanted to disown me and that I was disgusting. He told me that “these terrorists have brainwashed me and I will soon be blowing up something”. That killed me. I cried for hours after that. My mom didn’t say much, she was just very disappointed. She asked me to give back my prayer rug and to give my books on Islam to a family who really needed it. I was grounded for six weeks after that. My mom picked me up from school everyday and I stayed in on the weekends. She wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to the mosque or to my Muslim friends’ houses. When my father saw someone in hijab or anyone of Arab decent, he’d turn to me and tell me “Look, Nik, it’s your people”. I knew he was saying it to upset me and make fun. It really hurt.

During my class with Lubna, I told her everything about my parents. It took a lot not to just sit there and weep in her arms. She tried her best to understand and told me to keep Islam in my heart no matter what.

After my parents found out, I hid my Islam the best I could. I pretended it was just a phase and that I wasn’t Muslim anymore. I even told my family that I do not have a religion anymore – I simply believe in God. They weren’t pleased but they felt that was better than being a Muslim. Truth is, I was Muslim since the day I said my shahadah in my bed. I began to stray off the path of Islam. Although I was trying to pretend I wasn’t Muslim, eventually, I began to believe it.

Later that year, I needed to get back. The feeling of urgency for faith overcame my soul and was dragging me piece by piece back to Islam. I started practicing again… until my mother found out once more.

That’s when I lost it.

I went completely off path and promised myself I’d be back when I’m out of my parent’s house and I am able to practice religion freely. That was in November of 2011.

In January of 2012, I started dating one of my very good friends. During summer 2012, the urgency for faith came over me again. There were signs I believe came from Allah subhana wa ta’ala to help lead me back to where He and I know I am supposed to be. Having such a close and open relationship with my then-boyfriend, I told him about it. He was totally on my side, 100% for it. But I knew as a Muslim woman, I am not to date. I let him know that, as well. I gave him some da’wah, and slowly but surely, he started to read more into Islam. By August of 2012, we decided it was time for us to make our relationship halal and for him to convert to Islam. It took a very long time for us to find a sheikh and a masjid that would marry the two of us without the city or state intervening. With the help of my wali & Allah subhana wa ta’ala’s guidance, we accomplished that goal on March 22nd, 2013.

Since my mother found out in 2011 and I left Islam, came back, got married – it’s been a struggle but it’s been rewarding and beautiful.

There are three Muslimah friends I have that know each part of my story and has accepted me for me: Hadeel Mishal, Abeer Mishal and Lubna Attal. Them three have stood by my side through this obstacle of reversion to Islam.

Lubna and her family have been the most warming and accepting people. They know about the issue with my family and they tell me all the time to keep my head up. They also tell me that if I want to, I could wear hijab with them and they’d keep it secret. They teach me how to pray, teach me bits of Arabic and just the Islamic way of life. Her father sat down with me and thoroughly explained each pillar of Islam to me and donated so many books to me. I thank all nine of them. Abeer and Hadeel and their large family has welcomed me into their home with open arms and has made me an extended part of their family. I’m an honorary Mishal in their eyes. They have helped guide me and love me, accept me and pray for me. Without the help of these friends and their families, I wouldn’t be here right now.

Allah subhana wa ta’ala has lead me back on this path and refuses to let me stray. He constantly brings me back and reminds me. He has helped me realize that I don’t have to wear hijab right now or go to the masjid everyday to be a good, practicing Muslim. Everyday, I try to better myself as a Muslimah. I’ve downloaded apps on my phone to remind me of prayer and give me dua’as when I need them on the run. I have been reading Qur’an every night before I lay my head down to sleep. For the first time, I paid my zakat and truly felt like I was doing something great for this world.

Islam as a revert is not easy. But insha’Allah, with the help and guidance of Allah subhana wa ta’ala and my friends and their families, I’ll be right on track.